When I think back to where I was this time last year. It's so weird. But you wanna' know something? It has been one of the best years of my life!
So different from the last time I was properly single. Back then I was figuring out me, doing a lot of thinking, growing up, learning. This time I just AM being me!
I have never felt more comfortable in my own skin, more independent, more confident than I have over the last 12 months. I've totally adapted an attitude of "This is me, I will do whatever I can for you, but I'm not changing for no-one" and I think it has served me well.
This year I wish I had kept track of the amount of people that commented on my strength of character. Now in the grand scheme of life, I have not had to cope with a huge amount. I see men and women more courageous than I can put into words at work every day, and I wouldn't dare compare myself to them. However I have had to be brave. And I've had to be tough. And I am proud with how I have coped. Because I didn't "cope" - I dealt with it. I spent a lot of time thinking, feeling, allowing myself to feel a very wide spectrum of emotions and that helped - it truly did. At no point did I feel ashamed of how I was feeling. When I felt the need to blow off steam and party with the girls - I did, and likewise when I needed to crawl into bed and cry for a few hours I did that too. Dealing with my emotions head on is not something I've always been great at, and I'm actually kinda proud of myself for doing it.
I've accomplished some amazing things this year too. From the mundane "every day" tasks like simply getting out of bed on some days, to the life changing experiences. I've lived alone - made a home for myself, I'm looking after two furry creatures, I've dealt with a load of crap at work and then pulled off some of the best events ever. I've made some amazing new friends, travelled back to America and even jumped out of a plane!
I think its had a positive effect. I've done more flirting and been on more dates this past year than possibly in my whole life. Because I suddenly don't care any more. Not in that way....all I mean is I'm happy to have fun and a giggle without stressing out about "does he like me?" "what does this mean?" blah blah blah. I've just been me and it seems to have made me more attractive Or at least more approachable - who knows? All I know is its been fun and I think my confidence has been a large part of it.
I've met up with old friends that I haven't seen properly in years and made some amazing memories! I've made new friends - people I would be so sad to loose from my life, but who probably wouldn't have come into it in the first place if this hadn't have happened.
When I think of where I could have been right now. Where my life could have been leading....jeez I shudder. I know that sounds awful and actually makes me a bit of a bitch, but when my friends look at me and tell me "you got a lucky break getting out of that one" - I have to agree with them. That in itself makes me a little sad, it would be nice to be able to look back with a bittersweet smile and think "It was a nice time and its a shame it ended" but that's not how it was allowed to end and so my memories of everything is now tainted. Meh - cest la vie!
The SATC theory holds true. It takes half the amount of time to heal yourself. 1 year on, I'm feeling pretty chipper. And really excited about what might be happening next actually ;) It's taken me a year to get to that stage and maybe its partly the situation and the people involved and maybe partly the timing but either way it looks to be working out pretty nicely.
Remember. Things fall apart so better things can fall together. Everything happens for a reason. And only you can decide how to deal with the curve balls life throws at you so make good choices.
Can you tell I've been a *little bit* addicted to Pinterest this year? Feel free to follow me on there!
PS. I would like to say a special thank you to all of my loved ones who have got me through this year. You did it, I have never felt more loved and cared for in my life than I have these 12 months. But in particular I want to thank Megs and Bryan. You guys where there for me literally as it happened. In the middle of planning the happiest day of your life - you looked after me. I know you might not think you did much, but in one short week you helped me break down, begin to heal and have my faith in love continued. I can never thank you both enough. You inspire me every day both individually and as a couple. I love you both to pieces and I don't think I could be writing this with such honesty if it wasn't for you. Thank You.